Graduation

Awww look at the happy graduate posing with the Mayor of San Ramon (town her high school is located). And yes I do wish she would have trimmed her bangs a little, or removed her lip piercing or not stretched her ear lobes, BUT at least she has a high school diploma and no visible tattoos

I made it back folks....but I guess more importantly I made it out of the office on Wednesday without hurling a paperweight or a stapler. I did not even pelt anyone with paperclips as I bobbed and weaved towards the front door. (anticlimactic...I know)

My sister's graduation went off without a hitch. The drive down to my parents was a little perilous as I was petrified that one of my tires would blow out. However that did not keep me from doing 80 the whole way. I lost the battle with fast food and stopped for crispy chicken something or other that I ate while driving way too fast on very nearly bald tires.

Yesterday my father woke me up asking where my car keys were. This is not abnormal as my dad usually checks my oil and tops off my gas tank when I visit. My dad so rocks! But when he came home there was a brand new set of shiny black tires on my car! They are so pretty and will go with absolutely everything. Apparently my father and mother do not think that its acceptable to drive on tires without tread. They do not know the thrill a girl gets from the not knowing if one or all of her tires will blow out in the fast lane on I-5. My parents bought me the tires as an early birthday gift. I can honestly say that they could not have picked out a more perfect present.

After the unveiling of my tires my mother and I decided to take a little jog on the trail that is behind their house. My mother apparently has been training for some marathon and not told me about it. Because seriously she kicked my ass. My mother ran for miles and had to circle back around to make sure that her out of shape daughter had not collapsed. Realizing that my mother was in better shape than me brought up some mixed emotions. I was happy for my mother who, in her..um..er...well I won't reveal her age, has the endurance to run like that. I was sad for myself that I could not keep up. I just had to remind myself that I am working on it and getting in better shape. The tread mill and the swimming is paying off. I am losing weight and toning up. So eventually I'll be able to hold my own.

Peace out, yo!

I have a short day at work today. I get to leave at noon. My youngest sister is graduating from high school this evening. I'll be making the two hour journey to the San Francisco Bay area to watch her walk across the stage and get her diploma. I have to say that I am more that a little relieved. For a while it had looked like a high school diploma was not in her future. But she somehow got her act together and did it. Thank sweet baby Jesus! (I'm generally not religious but I am not afraid to give credit where credit is due)

I also took Thursday off so that I could start work on refurbishing an old entertainment center. It was given to me by one of my sister's boyfriend's parents (whose cousin is twice removed from....blah, blah, blah more complicated six degrees of Kevin Bacon crap). Its totally not my style but with a little sanding, spackle, and paint I think it will look like something I would actually consider purchasing if I had not already gotten it for free.

Well I had better get started on actual work as I some how have to cram 8 hours of paperwork into 4. I have no doubt that I will heave a paperweight at an attorney by 10.

I can't think of a title.

Last night I had the pleasure of reading Stephen King's newest short story, "Gingerbread Girl". If you are at all a fan of King then I suggest picking up the July issue of Esquire. I guess Esquire is trying something new or whatever. I don't know, I can't say that I have ever purchased an Esquire before. At first glance its a lot like Cosmo for men....only less dumbed down (I think Cosmo is a waste of money, I mean honestly how many times can you publish the Karma Sutra? Get new material for crying out loud.).

Prior to reading "Gingerbread Girl" last night I had to make the long drive home from work (its two stop lights, so don't pity me too much) and its a funny thing that all of the bitching and moaning I do about my car makes me forget the stuff I like about it. (I drive a 2003 VW Beetle) The perfect example occurred when I pulled into my complex and there was a group of about 6 children returning from the pool. When one of the kids saw my car turned to one of the others in the group and punched him square in the arm. Then it was a free for all, they all started hitting each other over and over again. All the while screaming "slug bug" at the top of their lungs. Watching children beat the crap out of each other has renewed the love I have for my car. Thank you children.

Monday again.....damnit.

This weekend was boring. Not even worth a recap. However I do need to get this out of my system::::: STUPID STUPID FUCKING CAR!! IT SUCKED $400 OUT OF MY MOST RECENT PAYCHECK KEEPING ME FROM PARTYING WITH JOHNNY KNOXVILLE!!!! SON OF A BITCH! I DON'T EVEN LIKE JOHNNY KNOXVILLE, BUT THAT IS NOT THE POINT!!! STUPID STUPID FUCKING CAR!:::::

Whew, I feel a little better. I am done with the bitterness at my car. I promise I will suffer the burden in silence from this point on.

I was supposed to go to Reno this weekend but couldn't for reasons that I promised not to mention and of course my friend who was able to go got to party with Johnny Knoxville. Noting cool ever happens when I go to Reno the only accomplishment is that my tolerance level for White Trash is raised (lowered?). Or I almost come to blows with a pimp wearing faux fur in the middle of the summer. (That is a story for another day.) The one time I don't go, there are B list celebrities ready to drink and whoop it up. Oh well, again I will swallow my jealousy and move along.

In other news (good I swear) I have lost 9 pounds! I have been dieting and exercising (read: swimming) for three weeks. I turn 27 at the end of August. I would like to be 39 pounds lighter by then. That leaves me 10 weeks to lose the remaining 30 pounds. Everyone cross your fingers for me and send me happy weight loss thoughts.

I did have one mishap over the weekend. I have been so good about kicking the junk food habit and eating healthy organic foods that it did not dawn on me until it was too late that croutons taste better than potato chips.

List of things no longer allowed in my house:

1. Cheese Puffs
2. Ice Cream
3. Delia's catalogs (not for dieting reasons, but I am powerless against things like this. And no one over the age of 16 needs that or should wear that)
4. Frosting

and now

5. Croutons (did you know that an entire bag of croutons (consumed in one sitting, PMS anyone) has 700 calories and 30 grams of fat?

Escaping the clutches of death yet again

This morning I took my car to the VW dealer to start the $800 in repairs that they told me were needed back in April. Of course I have this weird unsubstantiated need to keep a roof over my head and food in my cat's bowl so I can only authorize $400 in repairs. The guy behind the counter was very understanding when he also told me that I was due for a new set of tires. So tack on another $300 for that. Stupid, stupid car. I actually knew before hand that I need new tires but still....stupid, stupid car.

The real adventure started when I boarded the dealer provided shuttle that would take me to work. The driver was a shady looking character. He was a tweaker at one point in his life I can feel it. He has the skin that sags making him look older than he really is, the raspy voice from years of freebasing and that twitchy can't hold still body language. I hesitate before climbing in, as I would like to demand a piss test before I let this guy take me anywhere. But I have already been at this place for 45 minutes, I throw caution to the wind and flop myself in the very back of the van. Its decided that the most efficient way to deliver the van load of people is to start at the opposite end of town from my office, leaving me to be the last person in the van. Freaking Great.

I hate situations like this. I never know what to say to strangers. Its like being on an airplane. The only thing that you have in common with the person sitting next to you is that you are, well, sitting next to them. How do you break the ice? "So you have a VW. Did you know that Hitler created the Volkswagen Company?" I choose to say nothing and look out the window.

Upon pulling out the the dealer's driveway the first thing I notice is that our driver is a tail gaiter. I loathe tail gaiters. Its bad enough when you are the one being tail gated but being a passenger when the driver is tailgating is worse. Generally I would offer driving tips in a situation like this. As I know mister crack head would benefit from my perfect driving record (the first person to utter "back seat driver" gets bitch slapped). Since I am in the very back of the van, yelling over the heads of three people might be misinterpreted as rude. Again I choose to keep my mouth shut and stare out the window while I grip my arm rest so tightly that my knuckles turn white. Crack Head weaves in and out of morning traffic. Eventually every one is delivered to their respective office buildings. Now we can start the LONG journey to my office. I am alone with Crack Head....he does not attempt conversation which is smart on his part as I am poised with my pepper spray if he even so much as reaches for his stash that I am sure is hidden somewhere in the van.

Crack Head is a man on a mission he tail gates more and cuts people off with every lane change. All I want to do is apologize to the poor motorists that are subjected to this guy. If not for me he would be miles away cooking rock on a spoon. Instead here he is driving me to work because of my stupid, stupid car. Finally Crack Head drops me at my office and I stumble in the front door. I am thrilled its Friday and I am looking forward to the weekend. Lets hope that I make it through this weekend and not die of heat stroke. Its like 102 in Sac right now.

Weekend recap

Yet another thrilling heart stopping weekend in Sacramento.

Friday night was bunco. I didn't win anything but thats nothing new. I have never been lucky with dice. After bunco Alicia, Rose and I went to Alicia's for our evening swim. Rose had work to do tying bows on menus for some big event at her place of employment. Alicia and I swam, while Rose tied. Around 11pm Rose blurted out that 300 of the invitations had to be completed by the next day. As "the event" was happening then. Alicia and I jumped into action after pouring rather large glasses of wine. Two hours later the three of us are spread out on Alicia's living room floor tying bows like our lives depended on it. Then there was a knock on the door. A rather loud demanding sort of knock. It was Alicia's neighbor who wanted to very combatively explain to her that her air conditioning unit was making a ruckus and disturbing her. Bitch. Alicia was cordial and nodded her head and smiled. After the door was closed she walked over to her thermostat and turned the AC up higher. She threw blankets at Rose and I and told us to bundle up she was going to give the snatch something to complain about. But don't think ill of Alicia. She has made an appointment with a repair guy this week. And the C U Next Tuesday neighbor did pound on the door at one in the morning.

Saturday was almost completely consumed with watching the entire first and second seasons of WEEDS on Showtime. Its such an addicting (no pun intended) show. It almost made me wish I smoked weed so I could have a dealer just like Nancy. Saturday night Alicia and I went on yet another swim. But this time we brought some keg cups full of wine to pool. I tell you swimming laps half buzzed is fun. We only paused for like half an hour to practice doing hand stands.

Sunday I broke down and went to the mall. I have a generous gift card to Nordstrom's that I have been saving. I purchased this. My face feels like a baby's ass. (That sounded better in my head.) But if you don't believe me please feel free to come over and rub my face.

UPDATE: As for John (the 25 year old house party throwing loser) this is the bulletin that he posted on Myspace inviting people to his party. (WARNING: Be prepared to throw up a little)

"Party tonight at my house, the house is empty, the dog is in the garage, and I have a feeling chicks will be gettin' it on!Give me a call if you got it, or shoot me a message on here. There will be BBQ as well, but for the most part it's BYOB."

I am not sure what happened to the keg he promised in the email that he sent me and I am not sure which girls were supposed to be "gettin it on" but all in all I am thrilled that I spent my Friday night tying bows on menus instead of standing around waiting for some girls to start making out.

Swimming really is fun

It has been YEARS since I have stepped foot in a pool. When I was a kid I practically spent entire summers in a pool, chlorine burning my eyes and blonde hair turned green due also to chlorine. But then I got a little older and got a lot self conscience of my body and avoided being in a bathing suit like my life depended on it. However in the last week I have been swimming no less that THREE TIMES. Of course its been after the sun has set and the pool area is poorly lit and surrounded by hedges taller than me. Suffice it to say the outside world would have a hard time catching a glimpse of my bikini clad body.

In the three times that I have been swimming this week there are two things that I have noticed:

1) Chlorine really does thrash your hair. (deep conditioning is needed, I make a vow here and now to be more vigilant on my hair care)
2) Swimming makes a person hungry. By the time I am done with my 20 laps I am starving to the point where the neighborhood cats are looking tempting.

I have not noticed a difference in how my cloths fit or the number on the scale. I know that it has not been enough time to drop weight or a pant size. But I do feel like I have more energy. I have plans to go again tonight and then I will go again after bunco on Friday. London 2012 here I come! I wonder if they have an event for the Doggy Paddle? It probably falls between the synchronized swimming and the back stroke.